Joshua Wolf's Testimony
My name is Joshua Wolf and I was asked by Broken Grace with Hope Ministries to share some off my testimony with them. I was honored to do this and offer the following with the hope that you will see the power off unconditional love and forgiveness.
23 years ago I ended the life of my grandmother while having mental health problems. We called her Nana and I was 16 years old at this time. Shortly after the crime, my grandfather (Papa) visited me in the juvenile hall detention center. He asked me a series of questions trying to figure out what had happened. I was unable to answer as I sat chained and sobbing uncontrollably. His presence magnified my guilt.
Realizing I was unable to speak, Papa stands up to leave. He walks to the door and then pauses. He returns to stand over me. I thought he was going to lash out at me for killing Nana. I thought he was going to scream and yell. Then, in one of the greatest expressions of unconditional love and forgiveness, he bends down and whispers in my ear: "She loved you and so do I and I am getting you an attorney." He then kisses my neck and leaves the tiny visiting room to begin a life for the first time without his wife of over 40 years. I sat there in stunned silence unable to comprehend the magnitude of the grace that was just extended to me. I did not know it then, but this would be the start off my journey, a journey of broken grace.
I was eventually convicted and sentenced to life without parole (LWOP) even though Papa was standing by my side wanting a sentence of mercy. LWOP meant I would die in prison and never go home. Many thought my life was over as I entered an adult maximum security prison at the age of 17. But God had other plans.
God saved me at the age of 17 and started placing caring people in my path who would help me grow and mature. Papa continued to stand by my side and visited me in prison. Over time, I earned a masters degree from Tyndale Seminary and Literary and Music Braille certifications from the Library of Congress. I used this education to teach my fellow inmates and transcribe textbooks and music scores into braille for the blind citizens of Missouri. I always enjoyed this work.
In 2012 laws changed and I now go up for parole in 2025. Papa was asked how he felt about me coming home one day. He was quoted as saying: "I have forgiven Joshua and hopes he comes home soon." Papa stood by my side until he died in 2018 after complications stemming from a car accident. About a year before his death, he said I could make Nana's life up to him by making something of myself. By God’s grace I have sought to do this over the years.
Today I work as a senior web developer with UnlockedLabs and Washington University in St. Louis. I am trying to finish my doctorate with Tyndale and enjoy writing and studying computer programming. I also fell deeply in love with a close friend which is another grace God has given me. She is incredible and shows me compassion and grace every day.
Earlier, I mentioned how Papa was hoping that I would came home soon. I have thought about his words and found a deeper meaning to them. The apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:1 writes: "For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." I believe Nana and Papa have journeyed on to their eternal home in heaven. In time, I too will go home to them.
Some may say that I do not deserve to go home. But isn't this the point of grace: it's unmerited favor given to those who do not deserve it. God has already declared that all have sinned and fallen short of His glory (Romans 3:23). The bible says that God has committed all to disobedience so that He might have mercy on all (Romans 11:32). God's judgement leads to an offering of mercy and grace. Shouldn't ours as well?
We all as human beings need mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness. God wants us to ask Him for forgiveness and extend it to others. People who judge and throw stones do not know the kind of love and forgiveness that God has for all of His children. My Papa was an incredible man and, during the last phone conversation I had with him, he said man has overcomplicated religion. He said that Jesus made it really simple for us when He said: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength and you shall love your neighbor as yourself ... there is no other commandment greater than these." Love God and love people is what Papa said we should do. So how come we can't learn to do the same? After all, if Papa can forgive me for murdering his wife, then surely we can find a way to forgive others. God wants us to forgive one another. Please read Luke 11:4 and Matthew 18:21-35.
If you would like to read more about Joshua's journey, you can travel along with him through the pages of Broken Grace: A Child's Journey through Adult Maximum Security Prisons. Proceeds from this book are used by our ministry to help cloth and feed those in need.